When a Forum works (and doesn’t)

Seth Godin recently blogged about when a conference works (and doesn’t).  With apologies to Seth, it struck me that with a few changes, his words also apply to our Forum meetings.

When we get together with others at a Forum meeting, it either works, or it doesn’t. For me, it works:

…If everything is on the line, if in any given moment, someone is going to say or do something that might just change everything. Something that happens in the moment and can’t possibly be the same if you hear about it later. It might even be you who speaks up, stands up and makes a difference. (At most other meetings and events, you can predict precisely what’s going to be said, and by whom). In the digital age, if I can get the notes or the video later, I will.

…If there’s vulnerability and openness and connection. If it’s likely you’ll connect with someone (or many someones) that will stick with you for years to come, who will share their dreams and their fears while they listen to and understand yours. (At most other meetings, people are on high alert, clenched and protective. Like a cocktail party where no one is drinking.)

…If there’s support. If the people you meet have high expectations for you and your work and your mission, but even better, if they give you a foundation and support to go even further. (At most other events and meetings, competitiveness born from insecurity trumps mutual support.)

…If it’s part of a movement. If every Forum meeting is a building block on the way to something important, and if the members are part of a tribe that goes beyond demographics or professional affiliation. (At most events, it’s just the next event).

The first law of screenwriting is that the hero of a great movie is transformed during the arc of the story. That’s the goal of a great Forum meeting, as well. But it’s difficult indeed, because there are so many heroes, all thinking they have too much to lose.

Bob Halperin

The Forum Value Chain

The core of a great Forum meeting is a great presentation with quality experience sharing.  Working backwards, this result rests on the following Forum Value Chain:

1. Good Presentations come from…
2. Good Coaching, which comes from…
3. Good Topic Selection [answering the question, “what is the deepest, most meaningful issue?], which comes from…
4. Good Parking Lot, which comes from…
5. Good Issue Capture Process [everyone should have at least 7 issues at any given time], which comes from…
6. Good Updates [event, emotion, impact], which comes from…
7. Good Meeting Preparation [i.e., doing Updates in advance], which comes from…
8. Good Trust/Vulnerability, which comes from…
9. Good Confidentiality.

Mo Fathelbab

The least likely, but most valuable, source of experience

I am sitting in a forum presentation, and members have begun to share their experiences.  I sometimes think, unfairly, that one particular forummate will have little to contribute on the current issue.

This is where the power of experience sharing (instead of advice giving) often surprises and delights me.  The member I have in mind may not have the confidence or expertise to tell the presenter what to do, but he or she has a deep reservoir of experience that can be surprisingly relevant.

I’m thinking of two particular examples.  In one case, a forum member had described a significant business decision that would have huge impact on his employees and community.  The least likely member to contribute (in my narrow mind) shared not a business, but a personal experience, that in the end resonated more with the presenter than any of the seemingly more relevant business experiences that others had shared.

In another case, an older member had presented on a tough family relationship situation.  In response, a younger forum member shared his experience of a relationship at work and what he had done to repair the relationship.  The younger member was at a very different life stage and had no directly comparable way to shed light on the older member’s family dynamic.  He instead drew on a very relevant work situation.

I’ve learned that before we jump to give advice, we need to trust the process.  Sometimes the most valuable contribution comes from the least likely place because we have empowered every member to share experience, not limited ourselves to those best positioned to give advice.

Bob Halperin

“if you really knew me…”

Most forum members have been through the Lifeline exercise as part of their group’s initial orientation, but forums are always looking to deepen connections, build trust, and get to know each other better.

One simple icebreaker that can be used, either when a new member joins, or at any time with an established group is “If you really knew me….”  This exercise is easily adjustable to fit the time available.  Go around the room and everyone completes the sentence “If you really knew me, you would know…”  The response should be something not previously shared with the group that could not be discovered from your resume, Linkedin profile, or other public source.  Participants can choose to share deeply or not depending on their comfort level.  If the moderator (or assistant moderator) goes first, and models the process, this can result in some significant sharing.  Go around the room, once, twice, three times or even more, depending on the available time.

Consider keeping this icebreaker in your back pocket for possible use at any future meeting when you have a little extra time and want to go deeper.

Clearing the Air

To maintain a trusting environment in forum, we encourage all groups to “clear the air,” raising any issues that may be getting in the way of open and honest conversation.  Our Healing Conflict exercise describes one way to do this.

However, during the early meetings after a forum’s orientation, it is often the case that the participants don’t know each other or simply don’t have a significant enough history to have developed a reason for clearing air.  Still it’s possible and probable that soon after a group’s formation issues will arise that require clearing.

Yet without practicing the process, members often are left ill equipped to handle these situations.

At the same time, it’s quite quit likely that participants have other unaddressed tensions in their personal or professional lives.  The following process will not only serve to teach clearing the air but it will also serve to help participants better understand these unaddressed tensions while providing a framework to address them if they so choose.

1.  After explaining the clearing the air model, give 5 minutes for participants to reflect on the following question:  who are the people in my life with whom I am not clean?

2.  Once everyone is ready, ask for a volunteer to begin.

3.  The volunteer (person A) is to briefly describe the situation(s) and who they will address.

4.  Person A addresses each person in the forum, one at a time, declaring if clean or not.  If not clean, person A is to use the name of the person with whom s/he is not clean and to role play exactly what s/he would say.

5.  Just as per the clearing the air model, the person being addressed are not to respond, until it’s their turn.

6.  Repeat steps 3-5 with the next participant.

7.  Debrief the learning.  Ask participants how it felt both as a sender and the receiver of the comments.

Bob Halperin

Your Forum: Moving from Head to Heart

My favorite movie of all time is The Godfather.  One of the famous lines from The Godfather is when Michael Corleone says “It’s not personal…its strictly business”.  If you’ve never seen the movie here’s a 5 second clip of that scene:

As memorable as that line is, in my opinion its an overused mantra which can sometimes be a road block to a healthy and high functioning forum.  Its common within forums to categorize a presentation topic in one of two buckets – either its personal or its business – making it easy for the forum to create artificial boundaries around the presentation and allowing members to take shelter well within their personal comfort zones.  In other words, once a presentation has been identified as a “business” topic, forum members often allow their hearts to take a nap thinking they will only need their heads for the next 60 minutes.

Of course, when making key business decisions one must take a hard look at the numbers, the risks, the ROI and the impact on key stakeholders.  But are traditional business metrics all that should be considered during a forum presentation?  Is it the role of a forum to crunch the numbers, provide strategic feedback or limit the sharing to what each of us might have done in a similar situation?  While a forum might provide some clarity around these factors, the truth is that your forum mates know you much better than they will ever know your company or your industry.

There is no magic that takes place between 9 and 5 that allows us to make decisions and take action without the fears, dreams, motivations, biases, patterns, compulsions and filters that we live (and sometimes struggle) with everyday playing a role.  Are we shortchanging our forum experience if we allow our hearts to be dormant during what, on the surface, seems like a straight business issue?  High functioning forums have learned that if its business…its personal.

Michael Bloch, founder and CEO, Quadrinity Media, LLC and HBS Alumni Forum facilitator & trainer