Guiding principles to discuss race (and other potentially contentious issues) in forum

Discussions in forum about larger societal issues, such as race, racial identity, or race relations, have the potential to derail and to cause hurt feelings and a sense of being judged negatively. 

Before beginning such conversations, ask all members to review and agree to a set of guiding principles.  These eight principles (adapted and summarized from the Daring Discussions Toolkit) provide an excellent starting point.

Ground yourself in love.  Many social problems stem from our willingness to turn people into the “other” and deny their basic humanity. Holding onto hate hurts us deeply while love drives us to invest our time and energy.in each other in a more productive way, raising the level of relationship between us. 

Strength is compassion & vulnerability.  When we think of strength, we often think of toughness and inflexibility.  However, it takes bravery to be vulnerable and great strength to be compassionate rather than judgmental.

Suspend your first judgment.  When we judge each other, we shut down our power to listen to what others are saying.  Be aware of the impulse towards judgment and advocacy; then take a moment to breathe deeply.

Seek clarification before jumping to conclusions.  Assume others in the forum have good intentions and want to find common ground.  Rather than launching into a response based on judgment, or what you “think” another member meant, ask open-ended questions.

Be honest about your experiences.  Focus on sharing your direct personal experiences, as opposed to stories you’ve heard in the news or through other people.  This is the heart of forum: sharing as deeply and truthfully as you are able will help others feel empowered to do the same.

Be unconditionally accepting.  It is possible to both accept someone and disagree with them at the same time.  The goal is not to “win” a debate, but to find common ground, to see our own blind spots in new way, and to be enriched by the perspectives of others.

Reflective & intuitive listening.  Listen patiently and quietly, then reflect back before sharing what’s on your mind.  “I hear you saying that….” “I appreciate you sharing with me that….”

Be aware of the privilege you hold in the conversation.  Privileges we hold may be exactly those things of which we are least aware.  We can simultaneously hold some kinds of privilege or relative power, while experiencing some form of oppression as well.  Being aware of the privilege you hold is an important part of creating space in forum for others to share difficult and vulnerable truths about their experience.

Moving to a “wartime” forum footing

Earlier generations remember where they were during the Great Depression, Pearl Harbor, JFK’s assassination, and 9/11.  All of us will remember the COVID-19 Pandemic.  These extraordinary times call for new modes of engagement with our forums, including these possibilities:

• Meet more frequently but for a shorter time. Some forums are meeting every week for an hour.  Others are meeting for two hours every other week.  Still others are calling emergency meetings as needed.
• Continue to emphasize the importance of being there for each other, but agree to meet even if you can’t have 100% attendance. Evolving needs mean that commitments are less certain than in more stable times.
• Focus updates on M.I.T. – the Most Important Things on members’ minds, on which they think the forum can offer some support, ideas or experience. Get to the essence quickly, identifying 3-5 word headlines such as “Messaging to employees,” “supporting elderly parents,” or “conserving cash.” Combine any similar MITs into a single topic.
• At the moderator’s discretion, or with member input via the chat function, identify the most urgent and important topics
• Instead of longer, traditional presentations/explorations, try to allow time to address multiple topics, asking members to make short and concise requests for:
  • Ideas
  • Experiences
  • Feedback on any ideas/actions they are considering
  • “I Notice…” feedback
  • Connections and leads
  • “If you were in my shoes…” feedback
  • Opportunity to vent or emote (no feedback)
• Be efficient. Everyone in the forum can offer feedback once about the topic.  No repeating; instead say “plus one” to another person’s thoughts. Avoid tangents. The moderator can call “tangent alert” to refocus on the topic at hand.
• Encourage one-on-one, out-of-meeting connections to address or expand on what can be covered in shorter, virtual meetings.

Acknowledgment: Thank you to YPO and HBS facilitator Michael Bloch from whose work this blog post is adapted.  For more details, see Michael’s full “wartime forum” agenda.

Holding each other accountable in forum

In forum we withhold judgment, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t hold each other accountable.  In fact, one of the most powerful uses of forum is for me to hold myself accountable to a certain goal, commitment or deadline; with the other members of the forum serving as my witnesses.

If your forum wants to focus more on personal accountability, consider these possibilities:

• Any member can voluntarily ask to be held accountable to report back to the forum at a specific future date on their progress/action related to a specific goal.
• The forum can designate one member to serve as the accountability/commitment “secretary” who will ask about any pending items, either at the beginning of the meeting or during updates.
• This SMART goals template can be used by any member to ensure that any goals they set are S.M.A.R.T. – specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-framed.