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January 9, 2023
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August 31, 2020 Leave a comment
No matter who started the conversation, no matter whose issue was explored in depth, we can all take something of value away from each meeting. By allocating a specific time at the end of the meeting to share takeaways, we encourage greater self-reflection. And as I hear what you took away, I may agree, may take away a different point, or may be sparked to consider a new approach. Possible takeaways may be in any of these categories:
Question: I wonder why? What if? How come? Would I…? Can I…?
Appreciation: I want to express gratitude to a fellow forum member or to someone else in my life. I will do that before the next forum meeting!
Issue: I need to pursue, explore, gain a greater understanding of X, so I can do a better job of Y.
Perspective: Wow! That’s a new angle, a whole new way to think about my problem or opportunity.
Insight: I can now more keenly see the true nature of my situation, because….
Idea: A new conviction, conception, opinion, principle, or framework is forming in my mind!
Connection: I need to make a note to reach out to person A to pursue…. Or maybe a forum mate can introduce me to person B?
Intention: I have a new goal, purpose, or objective in mind. I need to flesh this out further.
Action: I have a new S.M.A.R.T. goal, one that is specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-framed. Shall I tell my forum mates about this goal, so they can serve as my accountability witnesses?
August 27, 2020 Leave a comment
Our forums have been meeting virtually for months now. We’re gotten used to Zoom. We’ve adjusted our meeting frequency, length and agenda to accommodate the opportunities and challenges of this new format. Now we are beginning to ask: What’s next? Are we ever going back to the old “normal” of monthly meetings, 3-4 hours in length, and always in person; or will there be a new “normal” for our forum?
How and when will we have our first in-person meeting?
People are hungering for in-person gatherings, but still many are afraid. Given these mixed emotions, it’s important to clarify upfront the lowest common denominator of safety requirements so that people are feeling their safety will be respected should they decide to meet in person. Specific dimensions to consider include:
What if some members are not ready or able to meet in-person?
It’s generally considered best practice for everyone to be in the same room, or for all to be virtual. That way, all members participate with equal standing.
However, your forum may reach a point where all except one or two members are willing to try an in-person meeting. We listen carefully and respect the needs of all members. Perhaps some have their own compromised health situations or are caring for family members who need to be protected.
With the blessing of those who choose to stay virtual, the forum may gather in person with one or two members still on Zoom. Each remote participant gets their own separate laptop/screen. If using Zoom, pin the video for one remote user on each computer. Put the computers at different places around the room to give remote participants the best possible view of everyone who is physically present. Follow these best practices for the optimal experience.
What if some members are no longer in your local area?
COVID has disrupted everyone’s lives and some members may have relocated during the pandemic. As long as all meetings are virtual, it doesn’t matter. We don’t care where you are calling from, as long as you continue to participate reliably.
If your forum resumes in-person meetings, those who are temporarily out of the area can continue to participate via Zoom, if the forum allows that. Those who have relocated for a longer, indeterminate period present a bigger challenge. They may also continue to participate virtually for an agreed number of months, while they seek to join another forum; they may take a sabbatical; or they may resign, with our deep appreciation for their time in the forum.
Longer term, would a hybrid of in-person and virtual meetings work best for our forum?
Some forums, now comfortable with virtual meetings, may experiment with a mixed mode of sometimes all-together, and sometimes on Zoom. The frequency, length and format of meetings will vary depending on multiple factors:
We’re all figuring this out as we go, and open, honest conversation and respectful listening will help get us through this transition.
Thank you to Mo Fathelbab and Roni Witkin for their suggestions regarding this blog post. All opinions are my own.
August 3, 2020 Leave a comment
Discussions in forum about larger societal issues, such as race, racial identity, or race relations, have the potential to derail and to cause hurt feelings and a sense of being judged negatively.
Before beginning such conversations, ask all members to review and agree to a set of guiding principles. These eight principles (adapted and summarized from the Daring Discussions Toolkit) provide an excellent starting point.
Ground yourself in love. Many social problems stem from our willingness to turn people into the “other” and deny their basic humanity. Holding onto hate hurts us deeply while love drives us to invest our time and energy.in each other in a more productive way, raising the level of relationship between us.
Strength is compassion & vulnerability. When we think of strength, we often think of toughness and inflexibility. However, it takes bravery to be vulnerable and great strength to be compassionate rather than judgmental.
Suspend your first judgment. When we judge each other, we shut down our power to listen to what others are saying. Be aware of the impulse towards judgment and advocacy; then take a moment to breathe deeply.
Seek clarification before jumping to conclusions. Assume others in the forum have good intentions and want to find common ground. Rather than launching into a response based on judgment, or what you “think” another member meant, ask open-ended questions.
Be honest about your experiences. Focus on sharing your direct personal experiences, as opposed to stories you’ve heard in the news or through other people. This is the heart of forum: sharing as deeply and truthfully as you are able will help others feel empowered to do the same.
Be unconditionally accepting. It is possible to both accept someone and disagree with them at the same time. The goal is not to “win” a debate, but to find common ground, to see our own blind spots in new way, and to be enriched by the perspectives of others.
Reflective & intuitive listening. Listen patiently and quietly, then reflect back before sharing what’s on your mind. “I hear you saying that….” “I appreciate you sharing with me that….”
Be aware of the privilege you hold in the conversation. Privileges we hold may be exactly those things of which we are least aware. We can simultaneously hold some kinds of privilege or relative power, while experiencing some form of oppression as well. Being aware of the privilege you hold is an important part of creating space in forum for others to share difficult and vulnerable truths about their experience.
June 9, 2020 Leave a comment
You haven’t been travelling for months, and now the world is (maybe) slowly opening up. As you consider making long-delayed or long-planned trips, what’s the right choice? Should you bunker down or get on the plane? Forum can be a great place to talk through decisions that are multifaceted, involve conflicting emotions, and require you to coordinate with family members or business colleagues.
Invite each member to share one or two upcoming travel decisions (either personal or business) that they’ve made or need to make. Possible questions to address:
Each member has 2-3 minutes (timed) to share their answers.
After all members have shared, open up to general conversation, including takeaways and possible accountability to report back to the forum. What new perspective, insight or question are you taking away from this conversation? Do you expect to make the travel decision you shared in the next month? Would you like the forum to check in to see what you decided at the next meeting?
June 5, 2020 Leave a comment
I used to think that sex and money were the final frontiers in forum. If we are willing to share deeply about these topics, perhaps our forums have reached a level of trust and vulnerability that leads to transformational value.
In the America we now inhabit, I wonder if race and racial attitudes might be even more sensitive and taboo. Some questions you might consider at your next forum meeting:
You may wish to read this excellent guide to Daring Discussions before you begin the conversation.
Two recent articles that forum members might read in advance:
“Who Gets to Be Afraid in America?” in The Atlantic by Ibram X. Kendi, author of How to be an Antiracist
“Don’t understand the protests? What you’re seeing is people pushed to the edge,” in the Los Angeles Times by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the N.B.A.’s all-time leading scorer
May 29, 2020 Leave a comment
Thank you to James Isaacs from whose exercise this blog post is adapted.
We are passing through one of the most disrupted periods in recorded business history. There has never been anything like this. Kudos to all who are still standing!
While there are glimmers of green shoots coming up around us, and the teasing possibility of “re-opening” from Shelter-in-Place, the cold hard reality is that these current recessionary conditions are going to persist for some time into the future. Forum is the ideal place to talk through how we are reacting, adapting and growing in this time.
Each member prepares in advance to give a brief (5-7 minute) presentation using the following questions to stimulate their thinking.
Reacting – Since we last got together a month ago:
Adapting – Since we last got together a month ago:
Growing — Since we last got together a month ago:
A few notes:
Allocate 2-3 minutes after each member’s presentation for others to resonate, notice, share experience, pose a thought-provoking question, or connect the dots between multiple members’ experiences.
May 27, 2020 Leave a comment
When we meet in person, we informally connect one-on-one during breaks, and can socialize over drinks and dinner afterwards. When we are meeting virtually, the opportunities for casual, pairwise connections are almost non-existent.
To make up for that deficit, consider implementing this plan to encourage paired meet-ups between forum meetings:
Try this for a month or two, and then check-in with everyone on whether all would like to continue on a regular basis, or only as long as the forum is meeting virtually.
May 8, 2020 Leave a comment
These days we all need to wear some kind of mask when we leave our homes and can’t socially distance from others. Forum, meeting on a virtual platform, is one place where we can take off both our physical and our “psychological” masks, be vulnerable and discuss what really matters.
Consider doing this combined icebreaker/update activity at your next virtual forum meeting:
Note: It’s best to tell members in advance about this exercise so they can have their physical mask handy, and can reflect on the suggested update questions.
Credit: Thank you to Melissa Weiksnar for sharing this exercise.
April 15, 2020 Leave a comment
We have all experienced a range of emotions as the pandemic has changed so many aspects of our lives.
Manju Melwani, a YPO forum facilitator, suggests possible actions and attitudes which may be either in the zone of fear, of learning, or of growth.
In forum we might ask ourselves: