Once a year – try ANNUAL, instead of monthly updates

August 27, 2013 Leave a comment

Every month we come to our Forum meetings, prepared to give an update on what’s happened since the last meeting and what’s coming up.  We strive to share what’s meaningful and significant, the really tough dilemmas or unresolved issues we may not be able to share outside of Forum.

Once a year, consider an annual, instead of a monthly framing of these updates.  In place of the standard format, ask everyone to reflect upon the “best and worst” of the last year, and the “dread and anticipate” of the upcoming 12 months. Then take extra parking lot time and try to think about issues from the yearly perspective. This may help you step back and look at important but not urgent issues in a new way.

As another aspect of this annual update, ask everyone to touch on learning and updates from the presentations they had done during the last 12 months. 

One forum shared with me that, after taking this new approach, they voted to make this an annual practice!

Bob Halperin

Filed under Forum Tools

The value of advance, in-person presentation coaching

August 5, 2013 Leave a comment

When a presenter has been identified in advance, there’s no reason to delay the coaching of the presenter until the night before or the day of the Forum meeting.

A Forum member recently wrote to me and summed up nicely the advantages of advance, in-person coaching:

I become nervous when the coaching is happening for the first time right before the meeting.  One to two weeks before is ideal because, both when I’ve coached and been coached, it has given me as the presenter (and the person I coached) a chance to let the presentation “steep” and therefore be stronger. It also allowed me to come up with other ideas before the presentation as well. And based on my experiences both ways, face-to-face was definitely more satisfying than over the phone. Being able to see the other person as they wrestle with the topic allows the dimension of body language to enlighten, and in my experience makes for a less rushed experience than a phone call.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Building Forum Relationships, Forum Tools

The challenge (and opportunity) of members with previous Forum experience

July 22, 2013 Leave a comment

You are joining a Forum for the first time and are excited to learn that one or more other members have significant Forum experience, perhaps in YPO or another organization.

Of course, it can be great for a Forum to benefit from the wisdom that comes from previous experience, but proceed carefully.  Sometimes the more experienced member may assume that what worked before will transfer automatically to his or her new forum.

The more experienced member might ask:

–          My old Forum was happy with a more “flexible” approach, but is my new group also ready to deviate from “standard” process?

–          Does my new group need more time, whether length of meeting, or length of individual segments?  Do I need to be more patient?

–          How can I truly model best practice, being the first to share, withholding judgment, raising issues or concerns in the most constructive manner?

And newer members can consider:

–          Has the more experienced member fully listened to the concerns and questions raised by the novices?

–          Are we comfortable introducing a more complex or challenging protocol, or do we still need to learn the basics?

–          Can we leverage the “expert” more effectively, not by listening to theory, but by asking him/her to demonstrate and lead some meeting elements?

Bob Halperin

Filed under Building Forum Relationships, Forum Values

I’m really, really busy. Is now the right time to join a Forum?

June 28, 2013 Leave a comment

Ironically, if you are so busy you don’t see how you can take on another obligation; this may be exactly the right time to commit to a monthly Forum meeting.

How can that be?

Many members share that it is the four hours they invest in Forum each month that helps them maintain the right priorities, focus, and balance during the remaining 29½ days of the month.

Consider this story: A member says to a fellow member, “I can’t make it to the next meeting due to my overwhelming commitments.” The other member responds, only half-jokingly, “Well, then it’s even more important for you to attend, and you should be the presenter!”

When the harried member shows up, he or she will find a group of peers who are often equally stressed over their many professional and personal obligations.  And he or she will learn from the experience of other executives who are also trying to make it all work and hold it all together.

The worst decision may be the opposite of what you think at first: NOT joining or NOT showing up at your monthly meeting.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Forum Values

How Far Will You Go? Questions to Test Your Limits

June 25, 2013 Leave a comment

At a recent multi-Forum meeting in New York, we distributed the book How Far Will You Go? Questions to Test Your Limits. The book includes hundreds of questions like these:

What is the strongest opinion you hold?  What is the biggest lie you have ever told?  Who have you most feared in your life?  What is the strongest craving you get?  What have you lost that you would most like to retrieve?

Use this book to help your Forum break the ice, go deeper, and get to know each other better. You can buy the book on Amazon here.

Two ideas, using this book or other similar collections of icebreakers:

– At the beginning of a meeting, invite a member of the group to open the book and ask a question of their choosing as an ice breaker/conversation starter.

– At a Forum dinner, pass the book around and invite anyone who wishes to select a question to ask the group.  (This works best if you are eating in a private dining room.)

Bob Halperin

Filed under Building Forum Relationships, Forum Tools

Updates – one more round

May 17, 2013 Leave a comment

To help foster good and trusting relationships in your Forum, consider doing one more round after your Forum’s regular monthly updates.

Go around the room and invite members to complete the following sentence:

“The one thing I don’t want to share with my Forum is…”

or

“The one thing I have not yet shared with my Forum is…”

A core principle of Forum is “Be the first to share.”  These prompts invite members to go deeper, perhaps to share a forgotten item or an important issue inspired by what another member has shared.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Forum Tools

Parting the Curtain

April 28, 2013 Leave a comment

The writer Eudora Welty could have been speaking about Forum when she wrote:

My wish, my continuing passion, would be not to point the finger in judgment but to part a curtain, that invisible shadow that falls between people, the veil of indifference to each other’s presence, each other’s wonder, each other’s human plight.

May you continue in your Forum to “part the curtain,” sharing your toughest challenges and highest aspirations with each other.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Forum Values Tagged with

When a Forum works (and doesn’t)

April 22, 2013 Leave a comment

Seth Godin recently blogged about when a conference works (and doesn’t).  With apologies to Seth, it struck me that with a few changes, his words also apply to our Forum meetings.

When we get together with others at a Forum meeting, it either works, or it doesn’t. For me, it works:

…If everything is on the line, if in any given moment, someone is going to say or do something that might just change everything. Something that happens in the moment and can’t possibly be the same if you hear about it later. It might even be you who speaks up, stands up and makes a difference. (At most other meetings and events, you can predict precisely what’s going to be said, and by whom). In the digital age, if I can get the notes or the video later, I will.

…If there’s vulnerability and openness and connection. If it’s likely you’ll connect with someone (or many someones) that will stick with you for years to come, who will share their dreams and their fears while they listen to and understand yours. (At most other meetings, people are on high alert, clenched and protective. Like a cocktail party where no one is drinking.)

…If there’s support. If the people you meet have high expectations for you and your work and your mission, but even better, if they give you a foundation and support to go even further. (At most other events and meetings, competitiveness born from insecurity trumps mutual support.)

…If it’s part of a movement. If every Forum meeting is a building block on the way to something important, and if the members are part of a tribe that goes beyond demographics or professional affiliation. (At most events, it’s just the next event).

The first law of screenwriting is that the hero of a great movie is transformed during the arc of the story. That’s the goal of a great Forum meeting, as well. But it’s difficult indeed, because there are so many heroes, all thinking they have too much to lose.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Building Forum Relationships

Moral Humility and Your Forum

April 2, 2013 Leave a comment

Harvard Business School Dean Nitin Nohria has spoken eloquently about the need for executives to cultivate a sense of “moral humility.” (See his TEDx talk here)

What gets managers into trouble isn’t that that they lack knowledge of what’s right and wrong or that they have not had enough ethical training.  Instead, they go off course because of “moral arrogance.”  They think to themselves “I would never do what Jeff Skilling or Rajat Gupta or Dennis Kozlowski did.” They believe that they know better, that they would never succumb to the pressures that have lured other successful executives.

Where does your Forum come into this equation?  Forum is the confidential, safe place where you can talk about tough moral quandaries, about choosing between right and wrong, or even choosing between right and right, situations in which some stakeholders will gain and some will lose.  These are often issues that are difficult, if not impossible, to discuss with your boss, peers, or subordinates.  And close family members may not understand the business context or pressures you are facing at work.

The Wall Street Journal has written that “[business] schools should do more to ensure that the dialogue [about ethical behavior] develops into an ethical support structure after graduation.  Alumni often mention that the hardest decisions they make occur when job demands conflict with their values.  And, importantly, that they are isolated when making them.”

With Forum, you are not alone in making the toughest ethical decisions.  You have a place where you can learn from others’ experience and cultivate your personal sense of moral humility.

Bob Halperin

Filed under Forum Values

Forum Exercise: What Motivates Us

March 24, 2013 Leave a comment

Listening to the lifelines presented at a Forum orientation, one is struck both by the differences – and similarities – in our lives so far. In this exercise, we explore what our individual histories suggest about our different fundamental motivations.

Steps in the exercise:

  1. (Optional before the meeting) Ask members to think in advance about why people do things important to them and what are important drivers for how you live your life today.
  2. The moderator or a member of the Forum facilitates a discussion, identifying possible “motivations” that could drive how we and others live and make choices in our lives. (See the list below of possible “Seeking Motivations” and “Constraining Motivations” which the Forum can use to jumpstart its discussion.)
  3. One member of the Forum serves as the focal point/presenter, discussing their motivations and how that relates to their life so far.
  4. Other members take turns sharing what they believe have been their motivations and how they are reflected in their life so far.

~~~~~~~
Possible motivations

We may be seeking…

  • Autonomy – Be My Own Boss/Work Alone
  • Lifestyle Freedom (defined as time to pursue other important activities)
  • Altruism – Feeling I am Giving
  • A Supportive Family
  • Be the Boss
  • Affiliation – Part of a Team/Community
  • Directing/Managing People
  • Create and Raise My Children
  • Working/Being with Other People
  • Power & Influence
  • Intellectual Challenge/Stimulation
  • Want to be a Star
  • Creating Something New
  • Security
  • Support My Spouse
  • Financial Gain
  • Want to Keep Doing Different Things
  • Positioning for Big Thing Later
  • Doing Something Important
  • Prestige
  • Want to Win
  • Parents’ Expectations

We may be constrained by…

  • Risk Aversion
  • Shame of Who We Are
  • Fear of Loosing
  • Wanting to Work/Be Alone
  • Fear of Rejection by Others
  • Family/Community Expectations

Adapted from an exercise suggested by
Rick Williams, Member
Harvard Business School Club of Boston Alumni Forum

Filed under Forum Tools

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