Questions to ask when you are coaching a Forum presenter

The job of the coach is not to answer the presenter’s question but to help the presenter ask the right question.  Following are some questions you might ask when you are coaching to help the presenter focus in on the most important issue:

• How would you define the problem?
• Why is it your problem?
• What is working well now (related to this issue)?
• What is the worst case scenario?  How probable is it?
• Close your eyes and imagine yourself in one year – everything (related to this issue) is exactly the way you want it to be.  What does it look like?
• What is holding back the ideal situation from happening?
• What is at risk for you to make this happen?
• Are you willing to take that risk?
• What would support from the Forum look like to you?

Bob Halperin

What if a member says “Just tell me what to do!”

A member showed up at a recent Forum meeting distraught over a major company reorganization and asked to present.  He told the group, “I don’t want to hear your experience, just tell me what to do!”  In other words, he wanted the group to violate the language protocol and give advice.

In this case, the Forum held to its normal mode and encouraged the presenter to listen to experience first.  In the end, the presenter said: “That was really helpful.  Thank you for not allowing me to be the victim, expecting to be rescued by all of you.  You have empowered me to go address the issue myself.”

Keep in mind that in many situations, it’s a lot easier for the advice giver to give the advice, than for the person with the problem to act on it.  Giving advice can actually make it harder for the person with the issue because they can feel trapped, judged, pressured to do something they are not ready or able to do yet.

In other cases, some members may feel at the end of a presentation that they were not helpful (because they shared experience, and didn’t give advice).  This perception may or may not be accurate from the perspective of the presenter.  Therefore, it’s always a reasonable question to ask at the end of any presentation: “Were we helpful to you?”

Bob Halperin

Taking Your Forum From Good to Great

An Election Season Icebreaker

A key element of the Forum experience is to reveal more of our “hidden” selves by sharing things we may not typically share. For those of you in the U.S., consider using the following icebreaker sometime before Election Day: “I plan to vote for [fill-in the blank] because…” Chances are that this icebreaker will begin a conversation about political, social and economic philosophies that can then inform other Forum conversations.

Jazz up your monthly updates with family photos

Invariably as part of your Forum’s monthly updates, various family members are mentioned: spouses or significant others, children, parents, and siblings.  Consider inviting members during one of these regular update sessions to bring a family picture.  At the beginning of each individual’s update, the member holds up his or her photo, describes who is pictured, and then passes around the picture for all to see.  The update is only 30 seconds longer, but the group now has a visual image of the people who are often mentioned during updates and presentations.

Bob Halperin

Selecting your forum’s next moderator

Typically, a forum’s moderator serves for one year and is then succeeded by another member of the group.  There are several approaches groups can take to selecting the new moderator.

• The current moderator offers to serve for another term of one year and the rest of the group agrees.
• The current assistant moderator automatically becomes the new moderator.  (This option makes the most sense if the full group understood and agreed from the beginning that the assistant was “next in line.”  This is not generally the case for assistant moderators selected during the orientation meeting at the beginning of the forum’s existence.)
• The current assistant moderator offers to become the new moderator but leaves it open for discussion and group consensus to decide if that is the best choice for the group.
• A secret ballot is held to select the new moderator (This is how Alumni Forums normally select their first moderator during their initial orientation meeting.  In this method, there are not normally any nominations before the voting, but people can vote for themselves.)
• A volunteer steps forward, offers to serve as the next moderator, and the group agrees by consensus or acclamation to accept the volunteer’s offer.

There is no one right choice for every group every year.  In the case of one Alumni Forum, the moderator for year 2 was selected by secret ballot and in year 3 a volunteer stepped forward and was enthusiastically endorsed by the group.  In year 4, the assistant moderator said they could not commit to serve as moderator and the moderator for year 3 agreed to serve a second year.

When it comes time to pass the baton, it is generally best for the group to have an open and honest discussion of all selection options and agree by consensus on which approach seems right for the group at this time.  The process may be different next year.

Bob Halperin